Tuesday, April 29, 2014

It's Getting So Close

As many of my friends and colleagues are retiring, I'm reminded that soon, it'll be my turn.  I still cannot believe that I am a cop.  I never held a dream as a little girl to grow up and fight crime.  I actually never dreamt.

Being abandoned by my birth father, being a child of a painful divorce and being a young pregnant teen in a domestic violence relationship left very little room for dreams.

And although I have discovered at a much later stage in my life that I can dream, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  My dreams for now consist of being content...not being concerned about a career (so to speak)...just being able to live on the water and have my needs met, one day at a time.

I want to be in a state of knowing how blessed I am and how much He loves me.  Something that has surely happened over time.  And to think that all the years in the past, I was a #crime fighter and I was not praying for my safety or that of my peers.  I didn't even know the word prayer...not in the true sense.

His grace was always there and even in the midst of this messed up world, covered in its sin, greed, evil and hopelessness...His grace is still there. 

For those that #believe, pray to Him and wait in expectation, His grace is sufficient.

Knowing that has caused my questioning to cease.  I know longer wonder, "How could such awful things happen in my day to day life in law enforcement?"  God has given us each free will and we can use it to obey and accept him or to defy and reject him.

We can continue to blame society, our local churches, the government, the school system, the prisons and the parents #OR we can each make a small contribution toward the bigger goal.  To love as He has loved us and to forgive as He has forgiven us and to bless others as He has blessed us.  It sounds simple when you say it and even as I type it, but I have found this to be very true and very effective. 

I am not the same girl I was almost 24 years ago when I raised my right hand and took an oath to serve and protect.  I was shy, controlling, angry, hurt, misguided and oh so rough around the edges.  And sad to say that I wore a smile so wide and so fake that no one knew how broken and bruised I was on the inside.

So to know that my time is quickly approaching, I hold no regrets about my yesterdays, no fears about tomorrow and no reservations about my next career as a #civilian.  I know that because of my faithfulness to Him and to M.P.D.C., a beautiful gift with my name engraved on it awaits me just on the other side of this badge and gun.

So excited and so grateful!

Sgt. Butterfly :-)


A Lady's Life said...

Well you don't have to retire completely do you?
Maybe just get another position in the force? Do they do that?

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

No My Lady, I don't have to. But I'm choosing to after 25 years of service. I want to move on to something else. A much more peaceful atmosphere and something that does not require me to know the number of people who died each and everyday.

Even if I were to transfer within the department, it's still all (related to stress).

Love you!